PATRICK

I'm going to perform a number of Orc scenes from the Lord of the Rings film trilogy and one Goblin scene from The Hobbit novel. Because of various constraints, I'm going to wear basically the same makeup throughout, but I'll change accents and camera angles depending on the Orcs I'm portraying. Purists should also note (and hopefully forgive) that my makeup will be Orc-like, but may not match the particular Orc I'm portraying. So, let's get started.

The first scene is an excerpt from The Two Towers Extended Edition, where two groups of Orcs meet and subsequently make camp.

GRISHNAK

You're late. Our master grows impatient. He wants the Shire-rats now.

UGLUK

I don't take orders from Orc-maggots. Saruman will have his prize. We will deliver them.

ORC TRACKER

[sniffs the air]

UGLÚK

What is it? What do you smell?

ORC TRACKER

Man-flesh!

UGLÚK

They've picked up our trail!

PATRICK

So, why did I choose Orcs for this video? I've enjoyed acting since I was a kid, and I found that the parts I enjoyed most were the comic characters and the villains. It's fun to play a villain, because you can really let yourself go. And unfortunately, it's not difficult to tap into the less nicer aspects of human personality. I mean, put me in a car in rush hour, and I almost transform into an Orc.

And Orcs are just nasty. But if you strip away the makeup, they're really just angry thugs and bullies. They serve out of fear, so they enjoy inspiring fear in those who are weaker than they are. And that even includes others of their own kind.

In this scene, we see some of that dynamic…where two very different types of Orcs have a disagreement over their choice of dinner...

MORDOR ORC

We're not going no further till we've had a breather!

UGLÚK

Get a fire going!

MAÚHUR

I'm starving. We ain't 'ad nothin' but maggoty bread for three stinkin' days!

SNAGA

Yeah. Why can't we have some meat? What about them? They're fresh.

UGLÚK

They are not for eating!

GRISHNÁKH

What about their legs? They don't need those. Ooh…they look tasty!

UGLÚK

Get back, scum!

SNAGA

Just a mouth full...

[SFX: sword slash]

UGLÚK

Looks like meat's back on the menu, boys!

PATRICK

So, where did Orcs come from? What makes them want to destroy everything they encounter?

An early theory in one of Tolkien's lost tales, was that the first Dark Lord, Morgoth, created them from stone and slime. But Tolkien later amended that. Saruman actually hints at this later theory in The Fellowship of the Ring: that Orcs were Elves once, captured by Morgoth. They were tortured, mutilated, exposed to corruption and black magic, and became the ruined race we know as Orcs. They serve as slaves and hate both themselves and those they serve. And it seems to me that they hate everything good, everything pertaining to light, because they've forever lost the capacity to enjoy those things.

In this scene, some Orcs find Frodo in the tunnel after Shelob's done her work. And you can see a couple different shades of personalities: you've got the dumber Orcs, who just kind of lumber along, versus the more experienced Orcs who know these tunnels and what lives there.

GORBAG

What's this? Looks like Old Shelob's been having a bit of fun!

SHAGRAT

Killed another one, has she?

GORBAG

No...this fellow ain't dead. She jabs them with her stinger and they go as limp as a boned fish. Then she has her way with them. That's how she likes to feed - fresh blood. Get him to the Tower!

ORC 2

This scum will be awake in a few hours.

GORBAG

Then he'll wish he'd never been born.

PATRICK

Fans of Tolkien have likely noticed that in the Hobbit, these villains we've been discussing are called Goblins, while in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, they're often referred to as Orcs. Why?

From what I've been able to discover, Goblins were Tolkien's original name for these creatures. Later, he began calling them Orcs. So, even though we see a great deal of variety in their physical appearance and their allegiances, they appear to be the same type of creature.

This next segment is an abbreviated version of the encounter between Thorin's expedition and the Great Goblin. Bilbo, Gandalf and the dwarves had sheltered in a cave and most were taken captive by goblins and brought before the goblin leader. He was not particularly happy to receive visitors...

GREAT GOBLIN

Who are these miserable persons?

GOBLIN

Dwarves, and this! We found them sheltering in our Front Porch. [Editor's note: "this" means Bilbo. At this point, the goblins have no idea what kind of creature he is.]

GREAT GOBLIN

What do you mean by it? Up to no good, I'll warrant! Spying on the private business of my people, I guess! Thieves, I shouldn't be surprised to learn! Murderers and friends of Elves, not unlikely! Come! What have you got to say?

THORIN

Thorin the dwarf at your service! Of the things which you suspect and imagine we had no idea at all. We sheltered from a storm in what seemed a convenient cave and unused; nothing was further from our thoughts than inconveniencing goblins in any way whatever.

GREAT GOBLIN

Urn! So you say! Might I ask what you were doing up in the mountains at all, and where you were coming from, and where you were going to? In fact I should like to know all about you. Not that it will do you much good, Thorin Oakenshield, I know too much about your folk already; but let's have the truth, or I will prepare something particularly uncomfortable for you!

THORIN

We were on a journey to visit our relatives...

GOBLIN

He is a liar, O truly tremendous one! Several of our people were struck by lightning in the cave, when we invited these creatures to come below; and they are as dead as stones. Also he has not explained this! [Editor's note: "this" means Orcrist, or Biter—a sword the goblins deeply hate.]

GREAT GOBLIN

Murderers and elf-friends! Slash them! Beat them! Bite them! Gnash them! Take them away to dark holes full of snakes, and never let them see the light again!

PATRICK

That concludes the performance portion of the website. I hope you've enjoyed it, and I hope you'll check out the makeup session videos and the outtakes.

Text from The Two Towers Copyright © 2002 The Saul Zaentz Company, WingNut Films, WETA Digital, Ltd., Giant Studios, New Line Cinema.

Text from The Hobbit Copyright © 1997 The J.R.R. Tolkien Copyright Trust.

PATRICK

SPOILER ALERT: Please note that my narration reveals several plot points from The Hobbit novel.

After I finished the first Orc screen test video, I realized that although my website is called I Wanna Be in the Hobbit Movies, I only had one segment that was actually from The Hobbit. That's because there's really only one chapter in The Hobbit with extended goblin dialog. There are plenty of times when goblins figure into the plot, and a few times when they sing, but we seldom hear them speak.

So, I decided to write three short monologues. These monologues are based on the story, and they're my take on what the goblins might have been thinking and saying at these points in the tale.

The first scene takes place just before Bilbo and his companions are captured as they take shelter from a storm on the Misty Mountains. A goblin captain informs his troops that there are trespassers that must be dealt with...

GURSHMOTH

All right, you slithering maggots, gather 'round. Maybe you think you're on holiday. Maybe you think I have nothing better to do than to watch every entrance myself. What am I talking about? There are dwarves on our front porch! Dwarves! And they have ponies, and they have packs, and they have who knows what else.

And my question is, what have you done about it, the lot of you? Eh? Are we in the habit of allowing interlopers to spend the night on our very doorstep? Take an armed party and invite them below. But do it smart and secret and quiet-like. And if you lackeys botch this up, the great one will hear of it.

PATRICK

After Bilbo and company are captured by the goblins, it's Gandalf to the rescue. In the ensuing confusion, the Great Goblin is killed. The surviving goblins give chase and Gandalf and Thorin decide to make their stand, bearing elvish weapons that the goblins both hate and fear. This scene takes place shortly after that brief battle. A goblin and his companion are reluctant to continue down the passageway, fearing what may be awaiting them in the darkness beyond.

SHARGRUL

It's about time you got here. We've lost far too many of our folk to those filthy swords. We ran up behind those Dwarves, curse them, turned the corner and slash, bite, beat...a half dozen dead where they stood. And now you come creeping up, asking why I'm loitering about.

Well, if you want to show your pretty neck to dwarves who carry elvish blades, you go right ahead. But I'm not going round that corner 'til I know what's beyond it. I'm going down to help guard the lower gate. If they can find their way in the dark, that's where they'll be heading. And then, we'll see who has the upper hand...

PATRICK

This last scene takes place after Bilbo escapes from Gollum and heads down toward what the goblins call the lower gate. There are a number of goblins guarding the gate, and they're particularly determined not to let their enemies escape.

UZNOK

Do I need to remind you that they killed the great one? And then, surrounded by a whole chamber full of our folk, they escaped...in chains, no less! They just waltzed right down to the lower passages.

And if they killed our great leader and evaded our fastest scouts, what do you think they'll do to you? You're soft! You're cowardly. They'll twist their nasty elf blades into your guts and rip out your innards.

But I'll tell you what. They may have escaped that throne-room rabble, but they won't escape my troop. You're gonna watch this door, and you're gonna watch that passage, and if so much as a fly gets out, I'll mount your heads on my wall. Now, draw your swords and stay alert. Wha...there's one of 'em now! Seize him!

PATRICK

That concludes these three original "what-if" scenes, based on the adventures of Bilbo and company in the goblin caverns of the Misty Mountains. Be sure to check out the other videos, including the outtakes. Thanks for watching!

Original material © 2011 Patrick R. Spadaccino. This material is based on The Hobbit, copyright © 1997 The J.R.R. Tolkien Copyright Trust.

Welcome to the next installment of "I Wanna Be in the Hobbit Movies." I'm Patrick Spadaccino, and in this video, I'll give you an overview of the makeup techniques I used to transform myself into an Orc. It's important to note that I am not a makeup artist. I learned these techniques over the years through books, videos, the internet, and lots of practice. It's not the only way and it may not even be the best way to achieve these results, but this is how I did it. And I just wanted to provide this overview so that anyone who watched the screen test videos has some idea how I went from mild-mannered web designer to hideous Orc.

A couple notes about this video. Because I did part of it in front of a bathroom mirror, the lighting isn't great. However, you should be able to see well enough to get the idea. Also, I'm narrating this after the fact, so you might see my mouth moving in the video because I started to provide this commentary as I filmed, but then realized that that would be an editing nightmare, so hopefully that's not distracting for you. Lastly, it took roughly two hours to apply this makeup, but I've compressed that down to about fifteen minutes, so most of this video is sped up. All right, there's your background information; let's get started.

Here are the tools of the trade. I won't go over every item, but from the top left, we have contact lenses, in the lower left there are standard foam makeup sponges, in the center we have three latex appliances consisting of the face piece and the two ear tips, on the bottom there's theatrical grease makeup, and on the right we have cream makeup, liquid latex, various brushes, and spirit gum.

The centerpiece of my makeup was this foam latex appliance. This happens to be a full-face prosthetic, and I believe it was based on Gorbag, the Orc who finds Frodo in Shelob's cave in the Return of the King film.

The first thing I did when I received this appliance was to make sure it fit my face. This was not a custom-made piece, so I wanted to see if I needed to make any adjustments before I started the makeup process. As it turns out, this appliance was a bit small, but ended up working just fine.

The first step is to seal the appliance. You need to do this because the appliance is basically just a big foam sponge. It'll suck up the makeup, the piece will then get heavy, and that can cause difficulties when you're gluing it on and even with your performance. So, I seal it by dabbing it with castor oil. That makes the latex less porous, so the makeup sits on top where we want it.

After the appliance is sealed, I pat it dry and begin to apply the makeup. This part is really fun. It's sort of like painting on a 3D surface. Now, it's important to note that I don't have to put the makeup on the appliance at this point. I just find that a lot easier than trying to apply it after it's glued onto my face. The adhesive I use is fairly strong, but I really don't want to put more pressure and stress on the latex than I need to, so I like to apply most of the makeup before I glue the piece on.

I start with a base coat and then gradually fill in the lines and wrinkles. The key here is to fool the camera. I want this to look like actual skin, instead of a pale piece of foam rubber. So, I use layers of brown, black, green, and a little red to get a dirty, mottled effect and I make sure to blend and blur any hard lines.

Here's what the face appliance looked like after I finished the initial makeup. So, you can see the different layers of color and how the lines and wrinkles and scars are filled in, and this is now ready to apply to my face. But before I do that, I need to prepare the ear prosthetics in exactly the same way and then glue them on first. That way, I don't risk smearing or damaging the face prosthetic as I attach those ears.

I'm about to glue on the ear tips using spirit gum. Spirit gum is a theatrical adhesive that's been around for decades. It's basically pine tar in an alcohol base. The alcohol evaporates once you apply it, leaving behind a sticky resin. So, I apply it to the latex ear tips, then to my ear and then tap the adhesive lightly with my finger. Tapping it helps the alcohol evaporate and makes the gum tacky. These pieces are actually pretty tricky to apply because they kind of just sit on top of my ears. There's a little groove there, but it's not much, so I have to kind of finesse it on to my ears and keep nursing it until the adhesive takes hold. Once the ear tips are on, I apply makeup to my real ears and obscure the edges of the appliance so it looks like these are actually my ears.

I have a love-hate relationship with spirit gum. I started using it as a kid, and later I used it in theatre. And I remember one time when I was playing the role of Ebenezer Scrooge, that I wanted mutton chop sideburns but didn't want to grow them because I'd have to walk around like that for a month before the production. So I used spirit gum to attach fake sideburns and learned a valuable lesson. I find spirit gum to be most effective when used on parts of your face and body that don't move. I had the gum attached to the sides of my cheeks, so think about it: it's a two and a half hour production under hot lights, I'm on stage for most of that time, and I'm both singing and speaking. So, I was constantly tapping and checking the sideburns offstage, afraid they would flop off in the middle of a scene and spoil the moment. So, for the next three years that I played that role, I just grew a beard. But for what I'm doing here, spirit gum works fine though as I'll explain later, it has to be applied in a very specific way in order to be effective.

Okay, the ears are on and as you can see, I've started to apply some makeup to my face, head and neck. And I'm using the same basic technique I used on the latex appliance. I want to mottle my skin and make it match, as closely as possible, the work I've already done on the prosthetics. That way, when I'm finished, the edges blend in and the final result looks like an Orc face, instead of human face with makeup on it.

And if you're an aspiring makeup artist, I want to give you a tip. I made a mistake here, and I really know better than to do this, but I was rushing because I was behind schedule. You see that black lip makeup that in some ways is more disturbing than the final Orc makeup? I should not have applied that before applying the face piece.

Very simply, you do not want makeup anywhere you intend to apply spirit gum. It simply will not stick. That's why I'm staying away from the center of my face when I'm applying the head and neck makeup. But with the lipstick, I thought, maybe it'll be hard to get that on through the lips of the appliance, and then I'll have red lips instead of black, so I'll do it now and that'll be easier and look better. Wrong! That lip makeup plagued me through the shoot. Because if there's one place that I needed that piece to stick, it was around my mouth. So, learn from me, grasshoppers.

Now, I'm ready for the face appliance. I'll apply the spirit gum to the latex and to my face, and starting from the nose and working outward, I'll attach the appliance.

I was a bit concerned about the goatee. My wife was really not in favor of my shaving it off, and neither was I, so I just trimmed it really short and hoped for the best. And it worked out fine.

In some ways, a full-face appliance is easier to use than multiple appliances because it goes on all at once. However, depending on how much facial mobility you need, it can cause problems. You have to make sure the adhesive attaches evenly and you have to use a lot of adhesive, or you don't get the range of movement that you need. Ideally, I wanted my cheeks and eyes and mouth to move as naturally as possible so that when you watch my performance, it looks like this actually my face and not a rubber mask. And to be honest, I'd do a few things differently if I had time to do it over again. I had to really emphasize my facial movements because the appliance didn't stick as well as I would have liked.

So, now that I have the appliance on, I need to blend the edges with more makeup. I should mention that this video uses clips from two different makeup sessions. The first session was for the Orc and Great Goblin scenes; the second session was for my original goblin scenes. You can see that at the top of the appliance there are remnants of the White Hand makeup I used for some of the Orc scenes. So, I'm going to blend that out and I also wanted a bit of variation so I added some fake skin along the edges of the appliance to simulate scarring and just a general sliminess. And later on, I also added a ponytail.

And I really wasn't going for Hollywood quality here. For one thing, as I said earlier, I wanted to get this posted as soon as possible. The Hobbit had already started filming, and if I was to have any shot at promoting my screen test in time, I felt like I had to suppress my perfectionism and simply do as good a job as I could in the time that I had.

And really, the point was to get myself looking enough like an Orc so that my performance made more sense and had a bit of context around it. I mean, I could have done the screen tests without makeup, but I really didn't want my normal face bouncing around YouTube saying things like I'm gonna rip your guts out, or things of that nature. So, you will see some seams, but I think that the end result fulfilled its purpose.

It's looking pretty good but I realized far too late that I made another critical error. I didn't know how the contact lenses would affect my vision, and I've never worn them before, so I waited until last to put them in. Big mistake. You need to be able to open your eyes wide to insert those lenses, and that was just impossible to do while wearing this appliance without ruining the makeup. I have dark eyes, so it's not a big deal, but I would have liked to use the contacts.

All right, we're almost ready to film. I just want to add a few finishing touches, which includes that ponytail I mentioned. I came up with this at the last minute because I really wanted some kind of hair for the goblin scenes. I had some theatrical hair that's used for things like beards and sideburns and such, so I just separated a bunch of long strands, tied them into a tail with some twine, dirtied up the twine, and then attached the ponytail to the top of my heard with spirit gum. And that worked out great. I had bought a wig, and the closest I could get to an Orc wig was, strangely enough, a Samurai wig. But the quality wasn't there…you could see the seams and I just didn't think it looked good. So, this was a great alternative.

So there you have it. That's a compressed overview of the makeup techniques I used in the Orc and Goblin screen test videos. I hope you enjoyed it, and I hope you'll check out the rest of the videos on my website and on my YouTube channel. Thanks for watching!

It's impossible to tell you what The Hobbit means to me in just a short video, but I can tell you that I've loved this book since I was a kid.

When I was about 10 or 11, my Uncle Rich handed me a beat up paperback and said, "You have to read this." He was so earnest that I just said, "okay." And this was long before the days of smart phones and game consoles and MP3 players. Reading was my chief indoor hobby and I really enjoyed it.

So I read the book, and became an instant Tolkien fan. The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings, and all the collected lore that goes with those works is the kind of fiction that gets inside you. These books are full of deep themes and they're so intricately plotted, and yet both children and adults enjoy them.

There are Elves and wizards and dragons and maps of places we've never heard of, but despite the mythical elements, I get the sense that Tolkien's talking about a world much like our own.

Sure, there's spectacular adventure and danger, but those moments are balanced by things that we may have experienced, like lazy autumn days and having a bite to eat with a few friends.

We see all these universal themes like friendship, courage, nobility, love. But the book doesn't gloss over the flaws of its heroes, and it certainly doesn't avoid some of the more difficult realities of life. For all it's wonderful moments of humor, there are some heartbreaking moments in The Hobbit, as well. And that balance is part of what lends such an air of realism to the book and keeps me so engaged while I'm reading it.

I loved Bilbo and the way Gandalf drags him into the adventure, especially since I was something of an outcast growing up. So I could identify with Bilbo's fears and his embarrassment at not having the right answer all the time, and feeling like he didn't quite belong in this expedition.

I love the many different ways that Bilbo grows over the course of the novel and the way he overcomes the challenges he faces. And he's just feeling his way...he's trying to help these people that he's becoming increasingly fond of, trying to live up to their expectations of him, even when he has no idea how to go about it. And along the way, he finds out who he truly is.

But one of the fondest memories I have of that first time reading the novel is that my uncle enjoyed it vicariously through me. He'd ask, "What part are you on now?" And I'd say, "I'm at the part where they meet that bear-guy in the woods...Beorn?" And he'd say, "Oh yeah, that's a great part." And he had to bite his tongue; it was all he could do not to tell me what happened next. So, we laughed together at all the funny parts, and we were somber together at the sad parts. We had a great time enjoying that book together and I'm forever grateful to my uncle for introducing it to me.

I continue to read the book often. Every time I read it, as soon as I arrive in the Shire, it's just like coming home.

So, if you've watched the video about why I love The Hobbit so much, you know something about what the story means to me.

But, you may still be thinking, well, lots of people love The Hobbit. However, not everyone puts on Orc makeup and creates a website on the incredibly slim chance that Sir Peter Jackson might have a spare moment to visit the site and, while we're talking about miracles, that he'll then contact me to begin casting negotiations!

Well, I believe in the unlikely and the impossible. I created these videos and this website basically as a way of saying, I'd love to play even the smallest role in these movies. I've never done anything like this before because, quite frankly, I'm not this passionate about any other fiction.

And whether or not Peter Jackson ever visits this site, I also wanted a way to express my love for The Hobbit and my gratitude that this book is finally being translated into not one but two movies.

I'd love to participate in the film versions of The Hobbit not only because I love the story, but because the way Peter Jackson and his team brought The Lord of the Rings to life was simply brilliant. That story, told in that way, has such immense power. My wife and I watch it every year without fail, and it has the same freshness, the same impact, that it had the very first time we watched it. And we watch the Extended Editions, so we're talking about a time commitment of almost 12 hours. And when it's done, we want more!

Just to give you a small example of how many people these movies have touched, the last two years we attended The Lord of the Rings Symphony in New York. They played these two movies in Radio City Music Hall on a huge screen without the soundtrack, and an orchestra played the soundtrack live.

Now, in any other movie you attend, who's using their smart phone to text their buddy, who's having a conversation...not during these movies. People were captivated, 8-9-10 years later (and it was a full house for both the performances we attended).

And when the main characters came on screen for the first time, people cheered as if they were being reunited with old friends...and that's really how it feels. That's the power of Peter Jackson's vision for Tolkien's lore, and being a part of his latest effort would be the opportunity of a lifetime.

So, Sir Peter, if you're watching, I can do a lot more than act like an Orc!

Let's see...I've been a janitor, I've worked in a kennel, I've worked in a funeral home; I've been a waiter, a florist, a schoolteacher, and a security guard; I've been a radio producer and DJ; I've done a lot of stage work, standup comedy and a little TV.

But when you distill all that down, I love to work hard and I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. I love to inspire and amuse the people I work with, and I'd bring my passion for The Hobbit and for the process of translating that story to the big screen.

So, let's move on to the audition clips!